Well, we have come to the end of our "You Are Not Alone" series. This post comes to you with many hours of prayers and studies. I think of all of the posts in this series, this one is most important, so please stick with me!
We've been looking at four different reasons why we (moms who've miscarried) feel so alone in our suffering. We've also looked at those reasons in the light of scripture, and tried to replace our feelings with the truth of scripture. This last reason is no exception to that! So let's begin to unpack what scripture says about this, the last reason for our feelings of aloneness in miscarriage:
Reason #4: Miscarriage as a subject for discussion is taboo.
Miscarriage is not talked about. Plain and simple. Even with the age of the internet, and information being so readily available with the simple click of our iPhones, good miscarriage information (when I say good, I mean biblical) is very difficult to find. Oh yes, there is a lot of "fluff" out there. Worldly "comfort" and wisdom is always ready to snatch you away from the truth and comfort from God's word.
I've come to the conclusion that it is not society that doesn't want to talk about miscarriage. It's not pastors who are unwilling, it's not counselors who remain quiet. It is the mothers who have miscarried who remain silent through their suffering. We are silent. Are we ashamed? Humiliated? Scared? Hurting too badly to speak? Have no words to say?
I just can't wrap my mind around this. Here we are, numbered among the millions, and we are silent. We find no comfort from those who have gone before us, and we offer no comfort to those who come behind. My conclusion? Satan has had his hand in this. He would like nothing else than for us to keep the comfort that comes from God to ourselves. He finds victory when we suffer alone! I don't know about you, but this makes me want to shout out from the rooftops (and I guess I pretty much am!) that I have suffered, and God has comforted and strengthened me, and that means you can be comforted and strengthened too!
Listen to this passage from 2 Corinthians--it has literally revolutionized my view of why we suffer:
If you are wondering why you are suffering, or what God's purpose is for your suffering, in reading this passage, you clearly read one (I believe there are many more reasons for suffering as well) of the reasons that God has ordained your suffering. It is written clear as day! "If we are afflicted, it is for YOUR comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for YOUR comfort..." So many times, myself included, we suffer alone. And we want to be alone. We believe that our trial, our hurting, our miscarriage is only for us to bear. We believe the lie that we ALONE should suffer through it. Then once we suffer through it, we bury it in our hearts, try and forget about it, and live on.
But when we do that, one of the purposes of our miscarriage comes to a screeching halt. God does not necessarily need us in order that He might comfort those who have lost a baby - but He wants us! In His perfect design, He has ordained those who have suffered a miscarriage to be the means by which He comforts others who have suffered the same. If we are silent, if we who have suffered offer no comfort, then God's purpose is thwarted, and Satan has a foothold on us!
What is this comfort God's word speaks of? Well, it is definitely not referring to the comfort that we find when we lay on a soft pillow. It's not a bed of roses that we offer to others. This word comfort comes from the latin root word, fortis. This word means brave. It means strength. It means courage.
Have you not been strengthened by another woman who has gone before you in miscarriage? Doesn't it give you a sense of courage and bravery to know that someone else has walked the road you are walking and they still have joy? There were one or two women in my life who comforted me in this way after my first miscarriage. A brave few who were willing to cry with me, willing to give me their words of wisdom, and willing to offer me hope.
Nothing compares to hearing words of strength, encouragement and comfort from one who has already suffered a miscarriage and come through to the other side of grief. Those women are the ones whom God has ordained to comfort (strengthen, embolden) the younger women who will come behind in the same suffering.
I believe this verse works both ways, and it is such a beautiful picture of how God can use hardship and suffering to further His kingdom. The one who suffers initially finds a purpose for their suffering, and the one to suffer next finds comfort. This cycle should never be broken, though I believe it is many times.
My prayer for all of us who have suffered a miscarriage is that we will discover this holy purpose for our suffering, and we will use the comfort that we have been given to strengthen and embolden the sweet moms who come behind us. I pray that we would not be so lost in our own sorrow, that we forget to look around us and see the millions of others who are hurting in the same way. I pray that our own hearts would be encouraged when we see God's purpose coming together in the midst of our pain.
Let's not be silent anymore!