One of the most frequently asked questions I receive here at Populating Paradise is, "How did you handle the worry and fear that comes with pregnancy after a miscarriage?"
Worry and anxiety about a new pregnancy are normal even when there has not been a previous miscarriage. But when miscarriage is the precursor to a new pregnancy, we are even more susceptible to falling into the temptation of fear that we are going to lose the new baby as well. It is a fear that can run and rule your life. This fear that you will miscarry again could very well just ruin every single day of your pregnancy - or maybe every day up until you pass the mark of when you lost the previous baby - then you may think you're in the clear, you sigh a big breath of relief and you can then rejoice in the new life within your womb.
This is our temptation. If we have lost a baby before, we hesitate to rejoice in the new life within our womb until we think all is well. We are reserved, we hesitate to tell people we are pregnant, we are literally in hiding until we deem the time is right to celebrate. We worry, fret, and tremble at the thought of enduring yet another miscarriage, and worse yet, having to tell friends and family that we've lost another baby. We fear our own loss and we fear letting down the hopes of all who love us.
But is this how God would have us to think and behave?
Does this honor Him and bring Him glory?
Is there ever a right place in our hearts for fear and worry to reside?
Notice I have used the word "temptation" in the paragraphs above. That is just what it is. Temptation is what lures us into sin. Worry and doubt and fear are ALL sins. They are sins that lead us to stop trusting the Lord with His plan for our lives, and start doubting His will. They are sins that keep us from believing the promises of God. Doubt and discouragement are the two sides of Satan's double edged sword that he swings continuously towards believers (as John MacArthur states in a sermon on Ephesians 6:10).
The ultimate question that I think is on the heart of those who have miscarried previously is "How can I have a biblical worldview of my previous miscarriage and my current pregnancy?" Even though it might not come out that way, that is the ultimate question.
So, let's take a look at some scriptures. As I have said before, I believe God's Word to be sufficient for every problem we face, including the problem of fear and worry over a possible miscarriage.
There are a couple of verses that have helped me in the past, and I pray that they will help you as well in this area of trusting God through the next pregnancy.
This verse in Psalms is a wonderful reminder to us that God is in control. He ordained how many days the baby would stay in it's mother's womb. He is the One who will bring the baby from the womb. We can rest in this verse, because it takes the pressure off of us. We don't have to worry about whether we are doing all the right things to keep this baby in the womb. We can simply trust God to take care of the baby in the way that He sees fit. If we truly believe that it is God who created this baby, that God loves and cares for this baby more than I do, then we can rest in the fact that He is in control. And if He does choose to take this baby, I will rest in His will, and rejoice in the time I had with the baby in my womb.
Let's take a look at another verse:
This portion of verse 18 gives us another way of looking at our children. The children that we have are the very children that the Lord has given to us. They are not ours to begin with. He entrusts them to us for a time. This goes for any child that we have, whether miscarried or not. The child's time on earth might be short, just a few weeks like one of my sweet children who was miscarried at only 6 weeks gestation. It may be that we enjoy the company of our children for the rest of our life. But the point is that every child is given to us for a time, a time that is ordained by God, known by God and planned by God. I find great comfort in this! Are we not to trust the God who created our child with the duration of that child's life here on earth? We should never be so prideful as to think that we could separate the two.
Here are some thoughts to help you through the worry and doubt of your new pregnancy:
1. The Lord knows your child, your situation, your history, your pregnancy--He knows everything! --Trust Him with the life of your child. It is almost silly not to, since He is the one who has created him in the first place. Even if you do deliver a healthy baby, you still must trust Him with that life. The temptation to worry doesn't end there--it will plague you the rest of that child's life, if you don't simply trust Him concerning the life and health of your child.
2. Rejoice! -- Rejoice in your new pregnancy. Rejoice knowing that even if you do have a miscarriage, the Lord saw fit to create a life within your womb, using your genes and DNA, to add to the population of His paradise. Count it a privilege to be pregnant with a child He has created!! Don't focus on the the what-ifs and worries. Take joy in the new life He has chosen to create!
3. Look to the future! -- This life truly is a vapor. Look past the pain that has happened or might happen, to a future where you will be reunited with your lost little ones. Heaven truly will be a most glorious reunion with those we cherish and love the most. This is not the only reason why we long for heaven (we long to be with our Savior more than anything), but it is a benefit of salvation that we have to look forward to. And a glorious reunion it will be!
I cannot guarantee that you won't have another miscarriage. I wish I could. But I hope and pray that these verses, biblical world views and encouragements will help you fight the temptation to worry and doubt God through your new pregnancy. I pray that you can trust in Him, rest in Him and enjoy every minute of your pregnancy, all for the Glory of God!!