A couple of posts ago, we looked at the ovewhelming statistics of miscarriage, as well as the ironic fact that we feel so alone in miscarriage. I listed some reasons why I felt we feel alone while enduring this tragic loss. If you haven't read that post, please do so before reading this one, as it will make much more sense!
The reasons that I listed were for feeling alone in miscarriage were:
- Miscarriage is an intensely personal event.
- We feel we are the only one who knows our baby.
- Our husbands, family and friends grieve differently than we do, or may not grieve at all.
- Miscarriage as a subject for discussion is taboo.
We looked at reason #1 in the last post. Please remember that while I think these are all valid feelings, they are just that: feelings. They may or may not stand up against the truth of scripture. Let's be open to exchanging our feelings for truth from God's word in order to take comfort. Reason #2 presents us with a real question: Are we truly the only one who knows our baby?
From the moment we have a positive pregnancy test, to the moment that we lose our baby to miscarriage, we are the only one who truly experiences the pregnancy. We take joy in pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, fatigue, breast tenderness, urinary frequency, etc., because we know that it is all worth it in order to have a healthy baby. So we endure with joy and hope, knowing the end result. We go to each appointment with an expectant heart, waiting to hear good news. We dream of the day that we will hold our baby, love him, kiss and squeeze him. We wonder what their personality will be like. We guess at whether it's a boy or girl. We, as mothers, ultimately spend the most time knowing that sweet baby while in the womb.
When we lose this precious life inside of us, we mourn that child that we dreamed about. While we never knew them this side of heaven, we did know them in the womb. We experienced a bond that was very special: the bond of mother and child. It is truly a bond that is like no other!
While I believe that we are the only human being to know our baby in such an intimate way, I don't believe that we are the only one to know our baby. (So we can't pout!) God makes it very clear in His word that He knows our baby even more intimately than we do. We have talked about this in other posts already, but it's worth reiterating. Take a look at Psalm 139:13-18:
We are not the only one thinking, dreaming, and planning for our baby. No, God formed our baby's parts, He literally knitted our baby together. He could see all that was happening in our womb as clear as the day. He saw that baby before it was even formed, each day of the baby's life was written by Him, before they even happened. God's thoughts toward your baby are so precious and numerous that they cannot even be measured! And you thought you were the only one who cared? The only one who dreamed? The only one who planned?
God is vastly more involved, more intimate, more present and more informed in your pregnancy than you are as the mother. The fact is that the Creator and Creation bond is much stronger than the mother and child bond. There is nothing hidden, nothing secret, nothing unknown in the relationship between God and baby. That relationship is much more secure, much more faithful, much more knowledgable than we could ever try to duplicate.
For me, this truth offers so much comfort. While my feelings of "aloneness" are real, when I look at this passage, my heart can do nothing other than cry out, "Thank You, Lord! Thank you for creating, thank you for knowing, thank you for forming, thank you for planning, thank you for thinking of my baby!" I know I'm not alone. I can even cry to the Creator, "Thank you for taking away!" because I know that that was part of His plan, part of His thoughts toward His precious creation of life.
Give praise to the Lord today for His knowing, forming, planning for, and yes, even taking your baby. I promise you will find comfort in His sovereign arms!
We'll look at reason #3 next!