My Story: Miscarriage #3

This is a continuation post from the series My Story.  You can read My Story in chronological order here.  Thanks so much for reading and please pass on to others who may benefit from my journey!

After the second miscarriage, I knew that I still wanted to try for more children.  I grew up in a large family, as did my husband, and the thought of only having one child was foreign to me.  In my childhood dreams, I always pictured four or five children of my own.  So, Jon and I decided to keep on trying for more children, even though we knew there was a possibility for more miscarriages.  We ended up getting pregnant again, and carrying another healthy baby girl, Adeline Rebecca, who was born via c-section in January of 2004.  We felt so blessed to be able to have her!  Chloe and Adeline both were such sweet babies, we still yearned for more children!  I found myself pregnant again around four months after Addy was born.

    This time around, my doctor, who had delivered Addy, knew of my previous miscarriages so she decided to do testing to see if there was something she could do to prevent another one from occuring.  Sure enough, after some simple blood work, we discovered that my progesterone level was dangerously low.  Progesterone is the hormone that “keeps” the baby embedded in the lining of the uterus.  We thought that this may be the cause of my previous miscarriages as well.  My caring doctor immediately prescribed progesterone supplements for me to take every day.  This gave me peace of mind, but I still felt like something was not right.  I was not having morning sickness and did not have fatigue like I did with the girls.  Around 8 weeks along, I began to bleed.  I called my doctor right away, and she said she would see me the next day to do an ultrasound.  I had not actually seen the baby pass, so I thought there might be the slightest chance that the bleeding was just a reaction to the progesterone supplements.

    The next morning, laying on the ultrasound table, the doctor placed the dopplar on my belly.  As soon as the picture appeared on the screen, I knew.  There was no baby to be seen.  I felt numb.  I thought we had found the answer to our problems with the discovery of the low progesterone, but, alas, we had not.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to know why!  Why did I need to go through this again?  What was the purpose?  How was I supposed to emotionally and mentally deal with another loss, when I did not even feel like I had healed completely from the first two?