Over the next few weeks, I'm going to be posting my own journey through miscarriage. I started writing this a few years ago, and my prayer has been that through reading the details of my miscarriages and life in between, you'll be encouraged and challenged in your own journey. These posts will be longer than a normal blog post, so you'll have to carve out a little time to read! Thank you so much for stopping by. Here is the introduction:
I have heard it said that a miscarriage is the only human death in which no one holds a funeral. And in most cases, I am sure that is true. Miscarrying a baby is considered mostly as nothing more than just passing “fetal tissue”. It is more than that. Much, much more. Miscarriage is the death of a human being . . . a human being that is created in the image of God, that has a soul, just as you and I do. But for whatever cultural reason, whether it be the age of birth control which came about in the 70‘s or the acceptance of abortion as the norm, it seems as though society has deemed speaking of miscarriage as taboo. It is so very common among women (20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage), yet no one seems to talk about them, or even mourn the babies that have been lost. Pets receive more attention in their deaths than the sweet souls of millions of babies who have never seen the light of day.
Miscarriage is a painful, dark, intensely personal event, so I will give our culture the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it is not so much society that does not want to talk about it, maybe it is the mothers who do not. While I can talk about my miscarriages now, during the weeks following each miscarriage, every word that was spoken about it was accompanied by many tears. So, for me anyway, words were few. The pain was so real and so deep that even my husband could not fully understand my loss.
The most troubling thought and emotion I had through each of my five miscarriages was the question of why. Why would God, who I believe has created this life in His time and in His image, give this baby only a few weeks or months in the womb to live? Why would he make me wait for 2 years to concieve a child, go through the excitement of finding out I was pregnant, only to experience the death of that precious life just weeks later? Was God playing some sort of divine prank on me? At certain moments, I sure felt that way. More questions flooded my mind...what happened to my baby? Am I guilty in some way? Is my baby in heaven? Is there a purpose behind the creation of this life?
I was and am under no certain terms a theologian, but I strive to be a student of the Bible, God’s revelation to mankind. As a believer in Christ, I wanted to know the answers to these questions. I wanted to know why He would allow me to go through such a dark valley that seemed so impassable. I did not want to hear “cute” sayings about my “angel” or whatever the world seemed to come up with for comfort. Because, after all, when in scripture does a human being ever become an angel (a totally separate and wonderful creation of God)? I wanted some answers from God. I wanted truth.
My husband will tell you that he tried to comfort me. He gave me flowers, cards, hugs, and even words...but nothing comforted me like the truth of God’s Word. So I want to share the truths that I have learned and am still learning with you, because I know that like me, women who suffer the pain of miscarriage want to not only know the truth for their own comfort, but also so they can offer comfort to others.
Next Post: My Story: Miscarriage #1