My Story: Why Me, Lord?
This is a continuation of the "My Story" series. You can find these listed in chronological order on the My Story page. Thanks for reading, and keep checking back for more of My Story.
One of the questions that kept haunting my mind was that of, “Why did my baby have to die?”. I couldn’t think of any where else to go beside the scriptures. The Bible was my only source of truth by which I could think, live and breath at that moment. Like I mentioned before, the world offers very little in terms of true comfort and real answers to this kind of hard question. That’s why so many people seek God when their circumstances are difficult. Deep down in each person, there is a knowledge that God and His Word are the only source of truth. And if we will just admit it, the truth is what is most comforting.
Death was not a part of God’s original plan and design for this world. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were created as eternal beings, in the likeness of the Father, God. They were to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Things changed quickly when Eve decided that she would listen, believe and obey the cunning, decietful words of Satan, disguised as a serpent, when she ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Adam, likewise, ate the fruit and they both died immediately. They died spiritually at that moment, and physical death would soon follow. Death and all of the sadness and grief that comes with it was brought into the world at that point in time. Take time to read the account of this true story in Genesis 3.
One thing this reveals to me is that my baby died, not because it was a part of God’s perfect plan to inflict pain on me, but because death entered the world because of man’s sin. Because of Adam and Eve’s sin. Because of my sin. Now I know that it sounds like I am blaming myself for the pain of my miscarriages. It sounds like that because I am. In the perfect world that God intended, there would be no death or pain or tears. These things exist because of the curse that sin brought into this world. If I want to go to God for comfort in my time of loss, I must acknowledge who I really am. And who I really am is a wretched sinner. I know this sounds opposite of what the world tells you~it would tell you to feel good about yourself, to have self-esteem. I recall some lyrics from a popular song in the 1990s, “when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong, and you’ll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you.” Looking inside yourself seems to be the answer to all of life’s problems in our world today. But, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we know the answer does not lie within us, it lies within God’s Word. We are to look to God (not ourselves) in humility, fully aware of our inadequacies, our sin, and our inability to save ourselves (Romans 7:18, 3:23)
It may sound as though I am offering you no hope in your time of loss. But in reality, I’m directing you to the one true source of comfort and hope. Our only help, our only hope, our only comfort comes from the One who understands our pain and affliction, who lived a perfectly holy life, fulfilling the whole precept of the law, and who died to take the penalty for our sin, Jesus Christ. He alone can offer deliverance from this bondage of sin. He alone can bring you out of the depths of mourning and into the light of life. I had to come to terms with who I was before Him, to trust in His payment for my sin, to be able to enjoy the blessing of His comfort and grace in my time of need.
I urge you to go before Him, mourning the loss of your sweet child, mourning for this fallen world in which we live, mourning the sin that brought death into the world and mourning your own sin. I am not claiming, like Job’s friends, that one particular sin in your life or mine brought about the death of the baby. What I am claiming is that the awful, horrid sin that was introduced to this world through Adam and Eve, the same sin that brought our Lord to curse this world, the same sin that ushered death into this world, the same sin that killed God’s child, Jesus, is the same sin that takes root in your life and mine. We must mourn over and acknowledge that fact. If you have never come before God in this state of brokenness, I urge you to do so, in order that you may taste of the forgiveness, the healing and the joy that come only from knowing you have been forgiven from the One who created you. . .the same One who created your baby. For “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)