One of the most helpful processes a woman who has just lost a baby to miscarriage can go through to help her understand her loss is to compare her view of what's happened to God's view. An eternal, Godward perspective can always brings her back to the place where she should be - bowing in humble worship before the God of the universe. If she were to only focus on her own feelings, thoughts and emotions, depression would surely be soon to set in. But focusing on God's plan, His purpose and His will can bring encouragement, hope and healing. Let me give you an example of my view vs. God's view:
My View: For years my dream was to get married and have babies. When that did not happen right away, I became worried, discontent, untrusting and depressed. I felt out of control for the first time in my life! My fertility, or lack thereof, could not be controlled by ME! In fact, even after a visit to my doctor, I realized it could not be controlled by medicine either. There was nothing medically wrong with me. At that point, I had to leave my future (whether it be with children or without children) in God's hands. After two years of waiting and wandering if I ever would have a baby, I found myself pregnant! That positive pregnancy test meant the world to me. It meant that finally my dreams were coming true. It meant that I would finally be a mother!
When the time came to go to the doctor around 8 weeks, everything looked great. The size of my uterus and the symptoms I was experiencing all seemed to measure up to a healthy pregnancy. I went back to the doctor at 10 weeks to check the heartbeat. Sure enough, it was there, beating away at 150 beats per minute. What a precious sound. So, at 13 weeks when I was told by an ultrasound technician that my baby had died 3 weeks prior (it must have happened right after my doctor appointment), I was in complete shock - taken by (a bad) surprise. I had felt that something was wrong when I stopped experiencing all the pregnancy symptoms quite abruptly that week, but I chalked it up to my entering into the next trimester. But no, my baby had slipped away from life unto death so silently, even without his/her own mother knowing. What hurt my heart the most is that I would never know my baby the way other mothers knew their babies. I wouldn't know what his/her face looked like, I wouldn't know what her personality would be like, I just couldn't know anything...and I mourned over all of those things.
So all of this took place over the course of 2 short years and that's only if you include my time of infertility. Do you see how my view is a very skewed, temporal view at best? But God's view of my baby began in eternity past . . .
God's View: Before the foundation of the world, God knew my baby. He KNEW my baby. He didn't just know OF him/her. He knew my baby personally. Every. Last. Detail. He knew at what moment that baby would be conceived. He knew what each day would be like for my baby in my womb. He knew his/her eye color, hair color, height, weight, likes/dislikes, personality, etc. He knew the very second that my baby would be ushered into eternity to dwell in His presence.
You may be thinking, now hang on a second Becky, that verse that your referring to in Jeremiah 1:4-5, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..." was speaking about Jeremiah...the prophet of God. Of course God said he was created for a unique purpose. How do you know that applies to all babies, or better yet, to my baby specifically?
Psalm 139 gives us amazing biblical insight into how God views all of his precious creations (including your baby that you lost).
We clearly see that God views all babies as precious, fearfully and wonderfully made. Just because His plan was not that your baby would live in this world, doesn't mean that His care and thought toward your baby is any less. His plan was just simply different for that baby than it was for you. When you look at that plan in the scope of eternity, because this life is truly just a vapor, you realize that His plan for that baby is just as valuable, just as significant, just as precious to Him as that of any other person in this world. He does not create life without purpose.
Though death is a sting that came about because of the curse, God, as He is known for throughout scripture, uses our suffering to produce good in a way that only He can. Though the means (miscarriage) is painful and dark, the end is that there is a human soul, a person, your baby and mine, who has been created for the very unique purpose of populating paradise. This helps us immensely because we know that our baby is eternally significant in God's eyes. If we can just move past our immediate pain, and look to the future - a future in heaven, with our babies, giving all praise and glory to God the Father for eternity, we can then be fully comforted.