The Good Thing
Psalm 84 is a rich, wonderful text about our longing to dwell in the courts of the Lord, and the blessing that comes when that desire is fulfilled. It paints a picture for us that is is this: it is better to be in the presence of God for one day, than spend a thousand other days elsewhere. That is, away from the presence of God.
This is meaningful to us going through the loss of a baby for such an obvious reason. Our baby is in the "better" place. He/she is actually enjoying God's presence right now in heaven. (See why I believe infants who die go to heaven here) Where we might struggle to focus on the Lord, worship Him in the way we should, and enjoy His presence while here on earth because we are too distracted by the world, our babies are undistracted, focused, worshipping God in spirit and in truth. This is a comforting thought to me...and it's a place that my heart yearns for daily.
But also within this beautiful chapter, there is a small gem of a verse in Psalm 84:11, "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." You may question, as a Christ-following woman, why God would withhold your baby from you? Why would God not want a baby to be raised in a Christian home? Aren't children a blessing from the Lord? Why would He not choose to give me this good thing?
If we take God at His word, and I'm assuming that we all do, we have to take this verse into account. If we believe that He does not withhold any good thing from us, we have to believe that what is good for us right now is to NOT be raising this child we lost. We have to trust that what is good for us right now is that He has chosen to take this baby home to be with Him in paradise. We have to believe that the good thing for us right now is to suffer this loss.
I know this is hard to swallow. I'm definitely not saying this is an easy conclusion to come to. But in order to reflect Christ, in order to think biblically, in order to exhibit faith, we must trust that if God wanted us to raise this baby, he would not have withheld him/her from us. We must entrust our baby back to the Creator and know that this is the good thing for us and for our baby as well.
Sometimes a miscarriage feels like God is playing a big divine prank on you. Five times I experienced the joy and excitement of finding out I was expecting, only to lose that baby weeks or months later. Those highs and lows throw us into a roller coaster of emotions, but God's word remains steady and sure. Psalm 84:11 is a solid truth with which we can exchange our wavering emotions. Knowing that He does not withhold any good thing from us gives us an opportunity to hand over our grief and sadness from our loss to God, knowing that the greater good is that He has chosen our baby to be with Him in His presence eternally, populating His Paradise.